


Me, My Wife, and Alcor

by toasty_coconut



Category: Little Witch Academia
Genre: Domestic Fluff, F/F, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:21:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24612964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toasty_coconut/pseuds/toasty_coconut
Summary: Ah, yes. Me, my wife, and her £500, four-foot tall Alcor plush.
Relationships: Diana Cavendish/Atsuko "Akko" Kagari
Comments: 23
Kudos: 242





	Me, My Wife, and Alcor

**Author's Note:**

> Saw [this meme on Tumblr](https://blee-bleep.tumblr.com/post/620339655999684608). Could not resist.

Purchasing birthday gifts for Akko Kagari was a relatively simple task. She had always been vocal about what she wanted—the 15th anniversary Shiny Chariot World Tour bluray set, a particular polishing kit for her broom, or a trip to the new amusement park outside of Blytonbury. This year it happened to be a certain £500, four-foot tall plush of Shiny Chariot’s crow familiar, Alcor.

Diana’s original response to the request had been a firm, ‘no, absolutely not’. However, when Akko got that look in her eyes and that pout on her face akin to that of a sad dog, Diana would find herself going weak in the knees. 

To say the least, her wife ended up having a very happy birthday.

While the look on Akko’s face upon seeing the large, stuffed bird sporting a big red bow was completely worth every pound spent to Diana, after a mere three days, the novelty of it was beginning to wear off. Alcor was taking up more space in their bed than Diana was, making for rather uncomfortable sleeping arrangements. He was also getting more… _physical_ affection as well.

Not that Diana was jealous.

It would be silly to be jealous of a doll, of all things.

No, the most important matter at hand was the amount of _sleep_ she was losing because of this. Their bed, as large as it was, was not meant to accommodate two fully grown women and one oversized bird plush. Her back and shoulders were sore from contorting her body to make room for Alcor. She was freezing at night since Akko _insisted_ he ‘needed blankets, too’. She was awoken at 3 AM when his ungodly amount of weight was shifted right onto her face.

By the Nine, she was _exhausted_. 

Perhaps that was why she woke up later than usual that morning. Typically, she was awake by no later than 6 AM, but today she had awoken at the completely unreasonable time of 8:30 AM. Upon sitting up and rubbing the sleep from her eyes, she realized that, much to her surprise, there was no Akko (or Alcor) in sight. Seeing Akko out of bed any time before 10 was unusual.

Shaking the thought away, Diana pulled herself off of the mattress, slipping on a bathrobe as she made her way downstairs. The aroma of grilled meat and eggs hung heavily in the air on the first floor. Normally, Diana would have made her way directly into the dining room, but the sound of Akko’s humming voice in the kitchen caught her attention, and she turned on her heel to enter the kitchen doorway.

Under normal circumstances, she would have expected to find members of the Cavendish family staff moving about the kitchen. Instead, Akko stood in their place, her long hair still messy with bedhead, keeping a careful eye on some eggs that were cooking on the frying pan in her hand. Diana had to admit that it was an odd sight, but somewhat endearing in its own domestic sort of way.

Akko perked up as Diana entered the room, setting the pan down on the stove. “Oh! Morning, Diana!”

“Good morning, Akko,” Diana greeted, raising a brow. “You’re up early.”

Akko giggled, stepping forward and slinking her arms around Diana’s neck. “And _you’re_ up late,” she noted, giving her wife a chaste peck on the lips.

“Restless night,” Diana briefly explained, causing Akko to knit her brows in concern. Deciding it would be better to change the topic than address the massive bird in their bed, her attention focused on the stove. “What are you doing in here? Where are Anna and Carter?”

“Kicked ‘em out!” Akko flashed her a toothy grin. “I thought it’d be nice to try making breakfast myself for a change!” She removed her arms from Diana’s neck, returning to her unattended frying pan. “There’s hot water on the stove if you want some tea.”

“That would be lovely.”

As Diana removed the hissing tea kettle from the stove, she wondered how much of a fight Anna must have put up to keep Akko out of her kitchen. But what she wondered about even _more_ was how Akko convinced her to actually leave. Shaking the thought away, she poured the hot water into the tea cup sitting in wait for her on the counter.

That was when she noticed it.

No Alcor in sight.

She glanced around the kitchen, and sure enough, the massive stuffed animal was nowhere to be seen. Diana almost sighed in relief. She inwardly hoped that Akko had wisened up and finally decided to keep him where he belonged—in a separate room with the rest of her Shiny Chariot collectables. A smile graced her lips as she lowered a tea bag into her steaming cup.

“Here you go!” Akko announced, thrusting a plate full of food into Diana’s hands.

Diana nearly dropped her teacup from the sudden jerking motion, but managed to compose herself as she accepted the plate. “Thank you,” she managed, nodding to the dining room. “Shall we?”

Akko nodded eagerly, bounding ahead of her wife into the other room, food in hand. Diana followed close behind. It had been a while since she and Akko had breakfast alone. Usually they were accompanied by Aunt Daryl, Merrill, Marill, or the wait staff when they ate. She supposed it would be nice to spend some quality time over breakfast. Perhaps they could—

...Alcor was sitting in her spot.

Akko had happily taken her place at the dining room table and began munching away at the eggs and bacon on her plate. Diana, however, stood frozen. Her eyes were locked on the four foot tall toy sitting at the head of the table—the spot where she usually sat.

Diana cleared her throat. “...Akko?”

Akko looked up, her mouth full of bacon. “Hm?”

“Your… stuffed animal,” Diana gestured to the seat— _her_ seat. “Would you mind moving it so I may sit down?”

“Wha? No way!” Akko gaped, bacon falling from her mouth onto her plate. “He was there first while you were busy being a sleepyhead! You can sit next to him instead.” She turned her nose up. “And he has a _name_ , by the way.”

This was really happening. Diana Cavendish was really being kicked out of her spot at the head of the table, by her own wife, no less, in favor of a toy. She let out a long, restrained breath through her nostrils.

It was too early for this. 

“...Fine.”

Plate and teacup in hand, Diana made her way around the table, choosing the spot across from Akko. She sat down, Alcor’s heavy presence looming over her, but she ignored it. Picking up her fork and knife, she began to cut into the eggs Akko had prepared.

But that was when she felt a different kind of heavy presence looming over her.

Diana’s eyes met Akko’s. Akko was staring heavily at her from across the table, drumming her fingers against its surface impatiently.

“...What?”

Akko scoffed. “For a Cavendish, I’m surprised you have such bad manners,” she snipped, causing Diana to reel back. “Aren’t you gonna say good morning?”

“I…” Diana’s face wrinkled in confusion, “already have.”

Akko puffed her cheeks. “Not to me!”

Diana twisted her lip, puzzled. She watched as Akko’s eyes flicked between Diana and the seat at the head of the table. She deadpanned. 

“Surely you jest.”

“Surely I don’t.”

Diana put her fork down, rubbing her face with both hands. “Akko, dear,” she sighed, exasperated, “he’s not real.”

“He can hear you!” Akko hissed, covering the sides of Alcor’s head with both hands, as if to block his non-existent ears. His eyes bulged slightly at the pressure. “Don’t be mean!”

“Akko, please, it… it’s not even 9 AM yet.”

Akko narrowed her gaze, refusing to move her hands from Alcor’s head. Diana knew that look all too well. It was the look she wore when she absolutely was not about to back down from something. Diana couldn’t help but wonder if she gave Anna and Carter the same look earlier that morning.

It really _was_ too early for this.

Diana closed her eyes, pinching the bridge of her nose. “...Good morning,” she droned. When she opened an eye, she saw Akko still staring at her expectantly. Through gritted teeth, Diana added, “ _Alcor_.”

Satisfied, Akko’s face lit up. “Better!” she sang, retrieving her fork from off of her plate. “Now, eat up!”

The pair spent the following minutes in relative silence, only broken by the occasional sound of utensils scraping against plates. Alcor hadn’t moved an inch, simply watching Diana from his place at the head of the table with those beady eyes. It was like he was mocking her. Diana wanted nothing more than to pick up the oversized pigeon and move it away from the dining room, but the fit she was sure Akko would throw if she did kept her restrained.

“Aren’t you gonna ask Alcor how he slept last night?” Akko asked, a teasing ring to her voice.

Diana resisted the urge to roll her eyes. “I would imagine he slept better than I did,” she huffed, stabbing her fork into a piece of egg a little more aggressively than she intended. “He seemed rather comfortable in your arms.”

“Nah. _I_ was the one who was comfy,” Akko laughed, waving her off. “He’s just so huggable.” She turned to her plush, pinching his cheek and cooing, “Aren’t you, Alcor?”

Alcor gave no response.

“Mm,” Diana hummed bitterly, taking a sip of her tea. “Well, I’m happy for you both, then.”

Akko raised a brow, looking between Diana and Alcor. Then, as if a lightbulb turned on in her head, she blinked. A knowing smirk spread across her face. “Oh, I get it,” she snickered, placing her elbows on the table.

“Get what?”

“You’re jealous of Alcor,” Akko declared, the smug grin on her face widening.

Diana nearly spat out her tea at the accusation. Clearing her throat, she lowered the cup. She met Akko’s gaze with an unamused one of her own. “I said no such thing.”

“You didn’t have to. It’s written all over your face,” Akko remarked, reaching over to tap Diana lightly on the nose. “You’re jealous that I’ve been spooning with Alcor at night instead of you.”

“I’m not. That would be ridiculous,” Diana dismissed, swatting Akko’s hand away with a light swish. “You are welcome to do as you please. I merely believe that it—” Akko’s eyes narrowed again and Diana hesitantly corrected herself, “— _Alcor_ —takes up more space in our bed than necessary.” She picked up her teacup, huffing, “It can make sleeping rather difficult.”

Akko tilted her head. “What do you mean?”

“I _mean_ that it is arduous to attempt sleeping when a four-foot tall crow is covering half of the bed,” Diana explained plainly, taking a sip of her tea.

Akko blinked, her brows shooting up in realization. “You’re losing sleep ‘cause of Alcor?”

“I suppose that’s one way of putting it,” Diana murmured against the rim of her cup as she took another sip.

Akko frowned, slumping in her seat. “Oh, gee, I’m sorry, Diana. I didn’t realize,” she apologized, pressing her fingers together. “You could've said something.”

And just like that Diana’s heart sank.

The pout on Akko’s face was enough to make her feel as though she had just kicked a kitten. As guilt washed over her, Diana realized just how soft she had actually become. Several years ago she would not have tolerated having a 50 pound stuffed animal taking up so much space in her sleeping quarters, but now all it took was one look from Akko to make her flip like a switch.

She let out a long breath, rubbing her temples. She was pathetic.

“It’s really nothing to fret over,” Diana assured, reaching across the table to place her hand on top of Akko’s. “If it makes you happy I’m sure I can… adjust.” Akko peeked up at her and Diana offered a small, reassuring smile. “Besides, at £500, I would certainly want you to get the most out of him.”

A smile graced Akko’s lips once more. She glanced at the ceiling, humming in thought. “All right, how about this, then?” she started, nodding to Alcor. “Alcor gets to sit in bed and cuddle with us before we go to sleep. And then when we’re ready to call it a night, I’ll put him in the armchair next to the bed.” She grinned devilishly and held up a finger. “That way, he can sit up and keep us safe at night from any intruders!”

Diana held back a small laugh at the childish suggestion, but before she could make a remark, Akko’s expression softened and she intertwined her fingers with Diana’s. “As much as I love Alcor, I don’t want you going into work unrested, you know? So, let’s try that instead.”

A light laugh escaped Diana’s lips and she tightened her grip on Akko’s hand. “...I can live with that solution.”

The smile on Akko’s face twisted into something more smug. She raised herself from her seat so she could lean across the table, her face inches away from Diana’s. “Be honest with me though, Diana,” she started, raising a brow suggestively at her, “were you at least a _little bit_ jealous of me hugging Alcor all night?” 

Diana could feel the heat rising from her neck all the way up to her ears. She shifted her gaze away from Akko, choosing to look at Alcor’s stupid, plump figure isntead. “Perhaps I missed your…” she coughed, tensing, “embrace…” Her gaze returned to Akko as she added, “A little bit.”

Akko snickered, teasing, “I can read you like a book.” 

With that, she leaned in to press her lips softly against Diana’s. Diana rolled her eyes, but gladly returned the favor, lifting her hand from Akko’s grasp and using it to cup her cheek instead. She had completely forgotten about Alcor’s empty stare watching them from only a few feet away.

The sound of a door opening forced a crack in the moment, alarming both women who rapidly pulled away from each other. Looking to the source of the sound, Diana saw her Aunt Daryl standing in the doorway. Her normally icy eyes looked tired and hollow as they flicked between the pair and the massive white bird sitting at the head of the table.

For a moment, she said nothing—her stare locked on Alcor. Then she let out a resigned sigh, rubbing her temple. “...Anna?” she called into the hallway behind her. “Bring me the good wine. The whole bottle.”

* * *

_End._


End file.
